The Parenting Pundit

I Admit...I Lost My Child For 90 Seconds

2010-03-15T20:25:00.000-07:00

It was the longest minute and a half of my life! I was distracted by a short phone call on my cell, and averted my eyes for what seemed like a millisecond. Yet when I looked up he was gone! I called out his name countless times across the playground. However, I did not hear the sound of his adorable voice responding back "Yes, Mommy!" I frantically searched for his striped blue and white shirt in the crowd of children. Luckily, I ultimately found him playing with a four-year-old "friend" by the slides, but only after I aged two decades and grew a few grey hairs.

Although my torment lasted only a few seconds, I know that for many parents the ending is not as happy. Can you imagine for just one second how you would feel if your child was missing, and there was nothing that you could do to protect them from harm? No parent should ever have to experience this. Yet an alarming number of children are abducted each day. Statistics indicate that every 40 seconds a child goes missing. With such startling evidence of an epidemic, I believe it is important to help parents by sharing several tips about how they can prevent such a tragedy from happening to their family. The following are some things to keep in mind:

Don't let your child wear clothing with his or her name on it. Children are less likely to fear someone who knows their name. The reality is that although we typically tell our children not to talk to strangers, children do not have a true grasp of who can or cannot be trusted. In fact, young children often believe that anyone who knows their name is a “friend.”

Never leave your child alone in a public place, even in a locked car. Accompany a young child to the bathroom in a public place even if they insist that they can go by themselves. Moreover, instruct them to never play in or around public restrooms, as pedophiles often linger in these areas.

Accompany your child on door-to-door activities like Halloween and school fundraising campaigns.

Keep track of your children's Internet activity. Share email accounts and passwords. Make sure you know what sites they visit, and if they meet anyone suspicious while online. If possible, only allow computers to be in common areas such as a den or kitchen. This will make it easier to monitor internet usage.

Avoid having service people come to the home if your children are there alone. Remember, these individuals are considered strangers!

Establish a "code word" or phrase with your children. For example, tell them that they are only allowed to go with a person who knows this secret word or phrase if they were to pick them up from school. This will allow your child to know that this is a trusted person.

Establish safe houses where your child can go if in trouble. A safe house can be the home of a trusted friend or some other trusted individual in the neighborhood who agrees to let children make emergency calls.

Teach them that the police are their friends and that they can rely on them if they are in trouble. Make sure they know to dial 911 or 0 if they need assistance.

These are just a few simple ways that parents can help to protect their children. The key is to make sure that as parents, we vigilantly supervise our children because it only takes a second for misfortune to happen. If you have not already done so, make sure to visit http://www.familywatchdog.us/ to see what pedophiles are living in your community. Make sure to look at the site frequently because it is updated regularly. You definitely need to know who in your community preys on your children!

Happy...and Safe Parenting

www.theparentingpundit.com

...An honest and realistic blog about what matters most...families and children!

My Son's First Crush

2010-03-12T09:07:00.000-08:00

As the rest of the world seems obsessed about the Tiger Woods melodrama, I am not. Instead, I have been more preoccupied with a matter that is far more personal… My son’s apparent first crush. There! I said it!

It all started last year when Justin noticed her on the playground. Apparently all the then second grade boys thought she was “pretty.” “What is so pretty about her, Justin?” I asked while trying to mask my horror. “Her eyes,” he replied with a coy smile. Uugggghhhh! All I could think was Why me? Why now? Well, this year pretty-eyes ended up being in Justin’s class. I couldn’t wait for the first day of school so that I could get a good look at her…and her eyes. (I have to admit…she is a cute little thing with doe-ish shaped eyes.)

He hates it when I bring up her name…so I try to to do so at least once a week (LOL). When he feels brave, he will actually utter her name. For instance, just this past Christmas he asked me for two dollars to buy “Holiday-grams.” One was for his teacher…and the other one was for me. NOT! It was for none other than pretty-eyes. Uuuuggghhhh! I remember the days when his biggest joy was to make his mommy a Christmas gift…sigh.

I am racking my brain trying to figure out ways to delay the onset of the interest in the other sex. But it seems that whatever tactic I use simply backfires. There have been a lot of reports lately that children are experiencing the effects of early onset puberty. I personally believe that it is just learned behavior from peers. Also factored in is the not-so-subtle messages from radio, tv, movies, and society.

Regardless of the reason why, I can finally admit out loud that my baby boy has a cr….cr…….cr….crush. I am simply not ready for this stuff. But, I guess I have to get ready for the inevitable…someday a doe-eyed girl will try to take my place as the center of Justin’s world. Heifers! Just kidding….okay not really. I will definitely learn to accept this. But...for right now I am hoping that doe-eyes’ dad will be offered a job in Alaska or Tanzania. What? A mom can hope:)

Happy Parenting,

www.theparentingpundit.com

An open and honest blog about the things that matter the most....families and children!

WANT TO BE ON TV?

2010-03-11T17:07:00.000-08:00

Hey Moms! Want to be on tv? Check out this casting opportunity that was recently posted…

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Meredith Video Studios is casting first time moms and first time expectant moms! Are you about to embark on that wildly beautiful journey called parenthood? Do you want to be a part of a community of first-time expectants and new moms who are looking for helpful tips, encouragement, and a few good laughs?

We are looking for fun, savvy, and upbeat women to share and document their preparation for baby and their first months of motherhood with other first time expectants and recently new parents.

Selected participants will be given a small handheld camcorder to record and upload video footage on a weekly basis. Your video submissions will be part of a special yearlong webisode series to be featured throughout broadband and on a nationally syndicated lifestyle television show. Some participants may also receive products for baby, courtesy of the program’s sponsor.

Profile:
We are looking for a diverse group of women of all ethnicities and from all parts of the country in their mid-20s to mid-30s. -You must be either a new first time mom who has given birth or adopted a newborn within the past two months, or a woman expecting her very first baby.

Submissions: If you are interested in participating, please send…
1) Your name (and your baby’s name if you are a new mom)
2) City/Town and State
3) A photo of yourself (and a photo of your baby if you are a new mom)
4) Your age
5) Your baby’s birth date or due date
6) A brief bio or write-up about yourself

We also ask that you finish the following sentence. “Having my first baby is/was/has been…”

To be considered, please email castingnewmoms@gmail.com with the above information as soon as possible. We will accept submissions through March 15, 2010.

*Feel free to post this information on your blog or share with friends and family members via Facebook and Twitter! If you have any questions for us, please feel free to shoot us an email at: beyondpr@gmail.com!

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Good Luck!!!!!

Kiddie Condoms In The Toy Department

2010-03-06T09:26:00.000-08:00

Soooo….Don’t know if you’ve heard, but a Swiss manufacturer has started selling condoms designed for tweens. A study, conducted on behalf of the Federal Commission for Children and Youth, interviewed 1,480 people aged 10 to 20. It showed more 12 to 14-year-olds were having sex, in comparison with the 1990s. As a result, the Hotshot condom began being sold. Swiss family planning groups pushed for the smaller condoms on the theory that teens would be more likely to wear condoms that fit comfortably.

According to information published by the Guttmacher Institute, nearly half (46%) of all 15–19-year-olds in the United States have had sex at least once. They also state that 13% of girls and 15 % of boys admit to engaging in sex before turning 15. So, although the kiddie condoms are only being sold in Switzerland right now, I would assume that it is only a matter of time before they make their way to the states.

This, of course, brings up the age old debate…..abstinence vs. sex ed. Said differently, is marketing a kiddie/pubescent condom smart, or does it just encourage sexual activities? No doubt, kids nowadays are exposed to a lot of sexual imagery. Television shows, movies, and songs all seem give the same message….sex, sex, sex…and more sex. Despite this not-so-subtle brainwashing, we preach abstinence. Am I the only one that sees the irony in this?

I believe that children should not have sex. They are simply not emotionally mature enough to handle something so complex and sacred. Nonetheless, the statistics show that instead of jump roping, playing hide-n-seek, and riding bikes, a sizeable number of kids are having intercourse.

So what do you think? Do you think marketing condoms to 12 year olds keep them safe, or just gives them the green light to have sex?

www.theparentingpundit.com

...An honest and realistic blog for parents about issues that matter most…children and families!

From Bullying To Suicide…Jaheem’s Story

2010-03-05T17:34:00.000-08:00

Is your child a victim of bullying? Please read my recent post and pass it on to anyone you know that might benefit.

This post was written for the Time's Up Blog (http://www.timesupblog.blogspot.com/) which is a collection of bloggers who are champions for victims of crime. The purpose of the blog is to bring awareness to the injustices to victims, and to search out solutions with an SOS to those in the capacity to make changes happen.

There is a serious and prevalent issue occurring with children in schools. It is something that greatly affects children’s self-esteem and self-worth, and can also sometimes lead to clinical depression and suicide. It is called bullying. In fact, the American Justice Department says that each month 1 out of every 4 kids will be abused by another youth. In addition, another 8% of students miss 1 day of class per month for fear of bullies, while 43% fear harassment in the bathroom at school.

So what exactly is bullying, you might ask? Perhaps you envision a mean, stocky child who takes lunch money away from a meek classmate. Or, perhaps you recall the teasing that has occurred for years on the playground. Bullying can involve a variety of behaviors, but all involve an antagonistic person or a group of people who repeatedly try to harm someone who is vulnerable. It often times involves physical violence, threatening, making repeatedly demeaning comments, intimidation, and stealing. However, bullying can also be less direct, as bullies may chose to make life difficult for children by encouraging others to isolate them, or by starting humiliating and demeaning rumors. In fact, most experts report that the majority of bullying is actually verbal and nonphysical.

Recently, many stories have been reported about children who have committed suicide as a result of bullying. In Atlanta, GA, news about Jaheem Herrara has garnered a lot of attention. As reported by CNN…

“Eleven-year-old Jaheem Herrera woke up on April 16 [2009] acting strangely. He wasn't hungry and he didn't want to go to school. But the outgoing fifth grader packed his bag and went to school at Dunaire Elementary School in DeKalb County, Georgia.

He came home much happier than when he left in the morning, smiling as he handed his mother, Masika Bermudez, a glowing report card full of A's and B's. She gave him a high-five and he went upstairs to his room as she prepared dinner.

A little later, when his younger sister called him to come down to eat, Jaheem didn't answer. So mother and daughter climbed the stairs to Jaheem's room and opened the door. Jaheem was hanging by his belt in the closet.”

His mother, Masika Bermudez, has emphatically stated that the bullying that her son endured caused him to take his life. Reportedly, Jaheem had been physically assaulted and teased by his classmates. According to news reports, Bermudez thinks her son felt like nobody wanted to help him, and that nobody stood up for him when he pleaded for help. It should be noted that, to date, none of these claims have been legally substantiated.

However, I want to stress that both parents and educators can help to make a difference by simply being aware that bullying is real.. Minimizing such situations communicates to children that it is tolerable. Instead, listen attentively to what your child/student is saying to you. If they report that someone is making them feel threatened, assure them that it is not their fault and that it is wrong. However, please note that children often do not report bullying to parents and teachers because they may fear retaliation, are ashamed, or may simple want to fit in with their peer group. Adults should take notice of any behavioral changes such as depressed mood, changes in appetite, a decline in grades, a lack of desire to participate in social activities that they once enjoyed, or talking about suicide. These are all signs that a child is in distress. Please do not simply assume it to be normal childlike growing pains. Instead, show support, and most importantly, intervene to ensure that the bullying ends.

Resources:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)

www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/kids

Happy Parenting,

http://www.theparentingpundit.com/

...An honest and realistic blog for parents about issues that matter most…children and families!

The Fear Of Autism

2010-03-03T18:34:00.000-08:00

Happy Exceptional Children’s Week everyone! This week, many school systems around the country are attempting to educate the public about children with disabilities, as well as trying to garner support for special education. Much of the work that I do involves identifying reasons for why children may not be performing as well as might be expected. I always feel privileged to help families unlock underlying issues. However, this is a double edged sword because for many parents, coming to terms with the fact that their child has a disability is very difficult.

On learning that their child may have a disability, many often parents react in similar ways. One of the first reactions is that of denial -- "This cannot be happening to me, to my child, to our family.” Anger, is another emotion that I’ve witnessed. Sometimes it is directed at me…the one who first indicates that their child may have an underlying condition. I believe that much of this is fueled by fear. Fear of the unknown…Will my child be okay? Can they learn? Are they normal? What quality of life will my child have? Is there something wrong with me?

One of the childhood diagnoses that has been widely talked about is autism. It is defined by the Autism Society Of America (ASA) as: "a complex developmental disability that typically appears during the first three years of life, and is the result of a neurological disorder that affects the normal functioning of the brain, impacting development in the areas of social interaction and communication skills. Both children and adults with autism typically show difficulties in verbal and non-verbal communication, social interactions, and leisure or play activities." There is a lot of debate regarding what causes autism. We have heard the debate played out in the news… Is autism genetic….or the result of medical intervention or the environment? Researchers continue to attempt to figure this out. However, reportedly the rate is 1 in 110 births, and is (reportedly) the fastest growing developmental disability.

In honor of Exceptional Children’s Week, I would like to remind parents that a disability does not have to be limiting. Did you know that many people…many who you might idolize…are very famous and successful? For example, Daryl Hannah, the actress best known for her roles in Splash, Blade Runner and Kill Bill was reportedly diagnosed as a child as being ”borderline autistic.” Also, Satoshi Tajiri, who created of PokeMon, is also reportedly autistic.

Early intervention is key! So if you if you suspect that your child’s development is not progressing as expected, or if you are seeing a regression in skills….please seek the guidance of a professional. Oftentimes you will be reassured that nothing is out of the norm. However, for a smaller percentage of parents, School Psychologists…Pediatricians…and Developmental Specialists may provide the needed recommendations that could make a considerable difference.

For more information about autism, please visit the Autism Society!

Happy Parenting.

www.theparentingpundit.com

...An honest and realistic blog for parents about issues that matter most…children and families!

Can You Trust Your Child's Teacher?

2010-02-27T06:09:00.000-08:00

For Lamya Cannon’s mother, the answer to this question is a resounding NO! You remember the story….. last fall her teacher cut off one of her braids because she had been playing with her hair. According to her mother, Lamya’s teacher admitted to doing so, but did not seem remorseful. After initially hearing about this situation, I wondered out loud if there were any indications that this teacher was…well…unstable before this unbelievable incident? Had there been similar occurrences with other students? Or, did she just “snap” on that day. Typically speaking, there are telltale signs that suggest that something just ain’t right.

So, how can you tell if your child’s teacher is behaving badly? Well, it’s important to know that young children are typically not able to articulate their feelings. Instead, they may express somatic complaints (i.e. Stomachaches, headaches, sore throats etc.). They may cry or tantrum when its time to go to school, or you may notice a drastic decline in their grades. Or, they may begin to emphasize how much they hate school. Any and all of these behaviors is cause for your concern because they suggest that something may not be right.

Of Course, there are also more obvious indicators as well. In fact, there is a list of educator No-no’s which include but are not limited to:

• Telling students to “Shut up!”
• Calling students “stupid” or “idiots”
• Cutting their hair (sigh)
• Hitting, slapping, or shoving students
• Creating a classroom environment that breads bullying, teasing, or taunting
• Denying students the opportunity to learn by repeatedly sending them out of class

What would you do if this happened to your child? Just how common do things like this happen in schools? These are questions that parents are surely asking themselves after Lamya’s story hit the news. Please realize that as a parent, you have a tremendous amount of power. Many times, parents are intimidated by school administrators and the procedures. However, it is critical that you speak up and report any issues that are concerning to you. First, speak to your child to get their story. Take detailed notes, including dates and names. Next, speak directly with the teacher and ask that an assistant principal is present. Also contact the school principal and make them aware of your concerns. Indicate in no uncertain terms that you are ready and willing to bring your complaints to the school board if your concerns are not taken seriously. Put everything in writing for legal purposes and give the school an opportunity to act appropriately. If you do not feel comfortable with their decision, by all means call the school board…and an attorney.

I must say that as a School Psychologist who has devoted her life to making a positive impact in the lives of students…I am simply appalled when I learn of incidents of impropriety by educators. There is NEVER an excuse or reason to cause physical or emotional trauma to a child. Educators are held to a certain standard of excellence, as they not only educate children, but must also ensure their emotional and physical safety. That is why it is so disconcerting when the very people who are supposed to protect children are the ones at fault.

Albeit extreme, I wish that I could say Lamya’s story is an isolated incident….but with all honesty I cannot. No doubt, the preponderance of educators are phenomenal and committed to the art of educating and inspiring students. However, as with any other profession, there are some bad apples. Identifying these educators and making sure that they are appropriately disciplined is key. The impact that teachers make is inarguable, and when a teacher behaves badly it can have lasting effects on academic performance, as well as self-esteem.

Happy Parenting,

Gaétane F. Borders is the President of Peas In Their Pods, and the author of theparentingpundit.com, an honest and realistic blog for parents about issues that matter most…children and families!

Pancakes For A Cause

2010-02-22T12:13:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

What's better than pancakes? Eating pancakes while donating to a fabulous cause. So pack up the kiddos and head on over to IHOP tomorrow!

In celebration of National Pancake Day, IHOP restaurants nationwide will offer each guest a free short stack of buttermilk pancakes tomorrow, February 23, 2010 in an effort to raise awareness and funds for the Children's Miracle Network hospitals.

For every short stack of buttermilk pancakes served on National Pancake Day, IHOP guests are invited to make a donation to the Children's Miracle Network. Donations made at IHOPs in the Atlanta area will benefit Children's Healthcare of Atlanta, a Children's Miracle Network hospital. In addition, IHOP is hoping to serve up more donations than ever before, with a goal to raise $1.75 million, for a total of $5 million in five years with its National Pancake Day fundraising effort.

To The Superwoman In All of Us

2010-02-21T07:41:00.000-08:00

Many of us endure so many ups in downs through the years. Yet, for some getting back up and dusting off is easier than for others. Imagine having your father murdered, a mom who is missing, and a child with special needs. Oh yeah...and having to spend days in jail for traffic tickets because you simply did not have the money to pay for them. This is Angela Martin's story.

Who is she? She was a 28-year-old contestant on the current season of American Idol until she was recently voted off. It was Angela's 3rd and final attempt at winning the title. She never gave up on her dream of becoming a recording artist despite the many obstacles she endured over the years. It is that spirit of resiliency that Ellen Degeneres saw in Angela, and for which she was rewarded. (Please watch the video below)

Sometimes life is challenging, and sometimes we want to give up. But staying focused on our ultimate goal will give us endurance during this fabulous journey called life.

P.S. Have you seen her mom? People with information about Viola Martin are being asked to call Glenwood police at 708-253-2420 or the "America's Most Wanted" hot line at 800-274-6388.

Happy Parenting,

www.theparentingpundit.com

Letting Go In Order to Grow

2010-02-18T17:31:00.000-08:00

Happy Lent everyone!!!! Each year, many Christians “give up” something valued as a means of penitence during this period leading up to Easter. Momlogic.com printed a humorous article listing what moms should consider going without." I am reprinting their list below, but you already know....I just had to add to it!

Here is Momlogic’s List:

1) Give up "orange" colored food
No more handfuls of my kid's Goldfish crackers and wee shovel-fulls of macaroni and cheese. Who knows. If I give 'em up, maybe my little darling will stop asking "Mommy, why are your legs so squishy?"

2) Give up blaming kid for messy car
Whenever I have a guest in my car, I always begin the journey with an apology as I shove garbage off the passenger side seat. "Sorry about the mess, but you know how it is when you have kids." Truth be told, if my 4-year-old girl is responsible for empty Starbucks cups, discarded gas receipts and stray lipsticks, I've got WAY bigger problems than a trashed car.

3) Give up empty threats by the time I count to 10
She knows I don't mean it, I know I don't mean it. Maybe it's time to call off the charade. Especially when I threaten, "Wait until your father gets home!!" and he's standing right next to me.

4) Give up spelling out swear words
People without kids might try to give up swearing, but if you've got kids chances are you don't swear as much as you spell the words out. And I'm a crummy speller. By the time I've spelled out "you S-T-U-P-I-D B-A-S-T-A-R-D why are you being such an A-$-$-H-O-L-E, it's already time to get dinner on the table.

5) Give up falling asleep at kid's bedtime
Those bedtime stories sure are effective -- they put us BOTH to sleep ... by 7 PM. It's hard to resist, already in bed, cuddled up with your favorite miniature person.

6) Give up NOT having sex
See number 5

Here is my addendum:

7) Give up Facebook
Now we all know how much time we spend updating our statuses, posting pictures, and commenting on other people’s page. Let’s call it what it is…an addiction. Now it may be hard at first…you may get the trembles, shakes, and suffer from loose bowels….but you can do it. Just step away from the keyboard:)

8) Give Up SWEATPANTS!
Ladies I say NO to sweatpants. The big, baggy bright red or fluorescent yellow, half-way bleached out sweatpants you have had for years need to go! No more runs to Walmart looking like a schlump. Let’s bring sexy back mommies!

9) An end to drama
The melodrama is o-v-e-r during Lent. That means avoiding the people in our lives that serve as the constant rain cloud. That might mean not talking to you ”bestie” or maybe even a family member. Maybe you might just work up the nerve to tell your Debbie Downer about their emotionally draining ways!

10) Abstinence
Okay, calm down (lol). No…not that kind of abstinence mommies! I’m talking about the abstinence from negative thinking. I’m too fat…I’m too skinny…I won’t be able to achieve my dreams…I have to put up with abuse…I can't …you catch my drift! No more. This is probably the hardest of the list to accomplish, but it is possible. Replace the negative with the positive by taking baby steps. No…being able to change overnight is quite rare. Instead, focusing on smaller, more manageable steps makes any change feasible. Pick a positive thing about you to highlight each day. Or think about something that makes you feel wonderful. And lastly…stop trying to place a question mark where God has placed a period!!!!

Happy Parenting,

www.theparentingpundit.com

formspring.me

2010-02-14T14:23:00.001-08:00

How can I get my 2-year-old to eat his vegetables?

Hello There! Sometimes toddlers are really finnicky about what they want to eat. Textures, colors and flavors all play a part in their likes and dislikes. Try not to make a big deal about meal time, but instead gently encourage them to sample everything on their plate. You might try having them "help" in meal preparation. Sometimes if they take "ownership" of the food they will be more likely to eat it. Puree it in other foods, or try to mask them in some way to get them to take in the nutrients. Nonethless...don't stress because he will be just fine:)

G

Ask me anything

The N-Word

2010-02-13T08:53:00.000-08:00

It’s February…the month in which we pay homage to the contributions that African Americans have made to the world. While it is nice to have a month set aside for such honors, it is obviously necessary to be cognizant of black history more than for 28 days out of the year.

Undeniably, African Americans have a rich history in this country, and have contributed in monumental ways. However, in spite of all these great things, we continue to be plagued by the rampant use of the N-word. Just this week, ~~John Mayer~~ a well-known celebrity boasted to Playboy Magazine that he has a Benetton heart but a David Duke coc%. Not cool…but it got worse. He went on to say that African Americans had accepted him and had given him a “hood pass,” but added, "If [I] really had a hood pass, you could call it a nig@er pass.” He later apologized for trying to “intellectualize” this offensive term. Hmmm......

The media, as well as everyday people, harshly criticized Mayer for his insensitive remarks because most agree that the N-word is an obvious no-no. But…Why then do African Americans use this word? Baffling isn’t it?!? I’ve heard African American parents call their children “little ni@gas.” I also often hear students calling each other ni@ga in jest and out of anger in the hallway in between classes. I’ve even heard the word thrown around in professional settings by colleagues. What the heck is going on that the very race of people whose history involves slavery, lynchings, and Jim Crow Laws could use the one word that epitomizes hatred? Aaarrrrrgggghghhh!

I’ll NEVER forget the first time that word was aimed directly at me. I was in first grade, and a 6-year-old classmate decided that day that I could not go down the slide because “ni@gers” weren’t allowed to. Nor will I forget the wave of emotions I felt as a very young child while huddled around my family’s television watching Roots, and seeing the hatred and brutality that the word represented. It was clear to me at that young age that this word was much than a mere 6-letter-term. Nothing positive….but an evil tool used to make me and others who look like me feel inferior, worthless, and less than human.

I believe in the power of words. In fact, I work each day to help children cope with the pain that the words used to describe them have caused. I also believe that words are can be very limiting. Tell a child that they are something, and they will eventually believe it. So why would you tell them that they are a ~~ni@ga~~ lazy, stupid, dirty, worthless nobody?

NO.....John Mayer should not have made the highly publicized comments, but sometimes its easier to condemn others than to look hard at ourselves. What kind of words are we using in our own homes? It’s 2010…we can stop this cycle of mental enslavement if we focus on the long-term impact it has on children.?.....It starts with us!

Happy Black History Month & Happy Parenting!

WATCH AND BE INSPIRED!!!!!

Humbled By A Child's Insight

2010-02-10T16:52:00.000-08:00

It was just a normal night in the Borders house. That is, until my little miss started talking abnormally loud (It’s a constant battle to have her use her indoor voice:). I’m not exactly sure what she was shouting out, but I immediately said “Who is talking so loudly in my house!?!” “Me!” she retorted while giggling. Then, that’s when my son chimed in…”It is a free country mom!”.

So…let’s not forget that I am a spirited Haitian-American woman. I was immediately annoyed at his seemingly disrespectful comment. Yet, for some reason I didn’t instantly ground him. Instead, I said (sarcastically)…If you can define to me what a free country is….both of you can talk as loud as you want all night! To my utter surprise, Justin came into the kitchen and delineated the difference between a want and a basic right that everyone should have. “The right to go to school and read,” was one that he stressed was important to him. “Like Frederick Douglass…he really wanted to read, but they told him he couldn’t. That was wrong!” he exclaimed. Um…sooooo needless to say…I am contemplating making a trip to the store for earplugs because there’s a lot of outdoor voices going on right now!

In the spirit of Black history month, I would like to follow my son’s lead in highlighting Frederick Douglass’ life. He went from being an illiterate slave, to becoming an autobiographical writer, trusted advisor to Abraham Lincoln, United States Marshal for the District of Columbia, Recorder of Deeds for Washington, D.C., and Minister-General to the Republic of HAITI (YAY!!!!!!!!). His story is so inspirational to me because it reinforces the importance of dreaming and striving for more than your current circumstance, and demonstrates that it neither defines nor limits who you are.

In fact, he sought to embody three keys for success in life:

• Believe in yourself.
• Take advantage of every opportunity.
• Use the power of spoken and written language to effect positive change for yourself and society.

This is just as true now as it was in the mid 1800s!

Happy Parenting,

To learn more about Frederick Douglass, please visit:

Frederick Douglass

Rihanna and Chris....The Year In Review

2010-02-09T03:53:00.000-08:00

It was just over a year ago that the world was shocked to learn that Pop’s Princess had been brutally beaten by her then boyfriend. The picture of a facially bruised and swollen Rihanna was later leaked to the world, and everyone heard the allegations against Chris Brown. Reports indicated that he had punched, bitten, and threatened to kill Rihanna while riding around Los Angeles in his car. Brown pleaded guilty to felony assault in June, and was sentenced to five years' probation in addition to 1,400 labor-oriented community service hours. Both Chris and Rihanna later appeared in primetime interviews to address their side of the highly publicized crime.

So, whose side did the public take? With the graphic picture of Rihanna’s bloodied face in the media and all over the internet, you would think that everyone would come to her defense. However, in a survey done by the Boston Public Health Commission, almost half of Boston-area teenagers said Rihanna was responsible for Chris Brown's attack. The survey of 200 Boston youths age 12 to 19 found that 51% said Brown held responsibility, 46% said Rihanna was responsible, and 52% said both were to blame for the incident. In addition, 52% said the media was treating Brown unfairly, and "a significant number of males and females" surveyed said Rihanna was destroying Brown's career. In her interview with Diane Sawyer, Rihanna acknowledged that she had personally received many messages from people who blamed her for what transpired that night. So how can this be that the one who is beaten is at fault? According to adolescent experts interviewed by the New York Times, girls “are quick to blame Rihanna in order to distance themselves from her.” Thus, acknowledging Brown’s attack would make them feel vulnerable (ie. How could they have a crush on someone who could do that?).

I like to look at it more simplistically! As with anything else, children and teens are a representation of what is seen in our homes and community. Somewhere and somehow, children have become desensitized to the issue of domestic violence. Although deeply disturbing, it should not be surprising given the rate at which these crimes occur. Reports indicate that nearly 1 in 4 women in the United States experience violence by a current or former spouse, or boyfriend at some point in her life. Reportedly, women aged 20 to 24 are at the greatest risk of experiencing nonfatal intimate partner violence. Young women age 20 to 24 also experience the highest rates of rape and sexual assault, followed by those 16 to 19. Moreover, it is reported that each year, over 3 million children witness domestic abuse, and research has shown that many of these children will find themselves in a cycle of abuse in their adult lives as well.

February is recognized as Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention month. As we have observed in the teen reactions in the aftermath of Rihanna’s and Chris, much ground needs to be covered. As stated on the website for the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), “the repercussions of teen dating violence are impossible to ignore - the issue affects not just youth but their families, schools and communities as well. Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month (TDVAM) brings national focus to the issue of teen dating violence, highlights the need to educate our youth about healthy relationships, raises awareness among those who care for them and provides communities with a critical opportunity to work together to prevent this devastating cycle of abuse.“
It is critical that community leaders, parents, teens, and school officials work together to help change the statistics. There are many ways to become involved to help spread awareness about teen violence. Below is a list that of campaigns that NCADV highlights on their website. However, also remember that the best place to start making an impact is in your very own home. Talk to your teen. Look for the signs. Take action!

· Have a Heart Campaign
· A Thin Line
· HOPE
· My Strength
· The Red Flag
· Boss of Me
· That's Not Cool
· It Stops With Us
· Choose Respect
· MADE
· Know More Say More
· Start Strong
· No Means Know
· New York's Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month

Regaining Laughter Post Haiti...Thanks Palin;)

2010-01-24T12:17:00.000-08:00

Whew…What a week this was! The earthquake in Haiti seemingly consumed my whole being. Between cell phone calls, emails, and text messages from friends and loved ones, I rarely had a moment to spare. THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU!!! Your thoughtful words and memos helped to bring my sense of equilibrium back. Soooo…. How about that Sarah Palin and John Edwards news!

Taking a break from CNN, I happened upon Oprah’s segment this past Friday. Palin was on with her daughter, Bristol. I might have missed some of the discussion, but most of what I heard was about her advocating for her daughter’s decision to abstain from sex until she gets married. Palin was…well… herself, as she joked throughout the interview. But…something just seemed just a bit off to me. First…why does Bristol have to go on Oprah to make such a proclamation? Secondly…she didn’t seem to believe what she was saying herself. Maybe I’m wrong, but it’s almost like she was being forced to say it and was somewhat ticked off about having to do so.

Nonetheless, I sincerely wish the very best for Bristol because she’s had a very tough year with everything that’s happened in her life--- her mom’s failed Vice Presidential attempt…rumors about her parents’ relationship…the “I can see Alaska from my house” comment…the baby daddy showing the world his naked bottom to the world…you get where I’m going. I honestly think it would be best if Bristol tried to stay out of the public eye for a while to focus on herself and her baby boy (who, by the way, is a cutie!) So no more Oprah proclamations, Bristol, or any media engagements to discuss your sex life…k? Sarah on the other hand...keep my chuckles coming! (LOL)

I saved the best for last! John Edwards, the former Democratic presidential candidate, finally admitted this week that he was the father of his former mistress’s two-year-old child, Quinn. The ex-mistress, Rielle Hunter, was his videographer while he campaigned for the White House in 2007. It was stated that Edwards used campaign funds to employ her and travel with her during that time. You might also remember that during this period, his wife was battling cancer. “I am Quinn's father," Edwards said in a statement. "I will do everything in my power to provide her with the love and support she deserves." So why now is Edwards being so truthful? Hmmmmm. Did he have some truth serum? Nope! The reality is that a former aide is set to release a tell-all book and was scheduled to appear in an exclusive interview on 20/20 during which he would assert that Edwards forced him to claim paternity of the adorable youngster. Whatever the deceitful motivations that Mr. Edwards may have had…I am happy that he is finally admitting what the rest of us had already assumed.

“It was wrong for me to ever deny she was my daughter and hopefully one day, when she understands, she will forgive me,” he publically said. I’m sure she will, Mr. Edwards. We all make mistakes. It’s about what you learn from them and how you change for the better. Just be the best daddy you can be to Quinn, and she will certainly forgive you…as most of us have.

Happy Parenting!,

Bittersweet Acceptance...My Life As A Haitian-American

2010-01-15T11:01:00.000-08:00

This week has been a very difficult one, not only for me but also for the world. I received a call from someone who asked “Do you still have relatives in Haiti?” “Why?” I replied. “Turn on CNN!” they said…and with that, my life changed. That’s when I learned that a devastating earthquake had ripped through the small island nation known as Haiti…my island.

I am the eldest daughter of Haitian immigrants who came to this country in the early seventies in pursuit of a better life. The lure of the United States is a common one in Haiti because the US symbolizes everything that is longed for…financial stability, democracy, and opportunity. My hardworking parents achieved all of this, while never letting me or my brother forget about the beautiful country from which they came, or the rich cultural history and customs that make us special. Although I was born and raised here in the states, I speak the Haitian languages fluently, live and breathe the culture, and LOVE my Caribbean heritage.

The only problem is that despite how proud I am to be a Haitian-American, the greater world around me seemed to associate it with everything negative. In fact, the only time I heard Haiti mentioned was when it was cited as the poorest and most illiterate nation in the western hemisphere. I’ll never forget the time in the early eighties when health officials came to my elementary school to discuss the AIDS epidemic. At that time, little was known about AIDS and H.I.V., and officials were trying to calm the public pandemonium. As I sat in the assembly with a room full of my 5th grade peers, the staff used an overhead projector to display a large map of Haiti on the wall. They cited that there were three types of people that acquired AIDS…homosexuals, hemophiliacs……and Haitians. Knowing my background, the class began to oooohhhh and aaaahhhhh while snickering. Picture me sitting with my eyes full of tears while everybody (including teachers) looked at me with disgust…simply because I was Haitian.

That was then…

Today at one of my schools, the fifth grade class held an assembly and talked about the tragedy that occurred. The 11-year-old moderator asked all of us who are Haitian to stand while each 5th grader waved a handmade Haitian flag. I, along with a handful of students stood up. We each looked in each other’s eyes and were instantly bonded through our common anguish. I can honestly say that this is the first time in my entire career that I lost my composure in front of students. The tears streamed down my face, and I unsuccessfully tried to secretly wipe them away. It was futile because there were so many emotions running through me in that moment. Seeing these kids waving the Haitian flag blew me away. I could not help but to draw parallels to being that 5th grader who others shunned because of my heritage to now being supported because of it. It is simply bittersweet that now people finally care about something that I’ve loved and treasured for my entire life.

As tragic as it is, what is happening in Haiti can offer an opportune time to discuss the importance of empathy and service with children. Treating others as they would want to be treated is such an important life skill. You can collect cans or loose change as a family to raise money for those in need. Or perhaps volunteering in your home town at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter is something that you and your kids can do together. Whatever you choose…simply choose to do something to help those that are less fortunate. Trust and believe that in this day and time…the person(s) in need could someday very well be you.

Peace,

The Birds and the Bees With Our Minnie-Me's

2010-01-10T15:05:00.000-08:00

Lately, I have been captivated by the show called Teen Mom that airs on MTV. The show, currently in its second season, chronicles the lives of four teenagers who became pregnant during high school. As would be expected, life as a teenage parent is less than glamorous or fun. I’m happy that the show does not glamorize the issue of teen pregnancy. Instead, it is shows the drama and emotional lows….a seemingly realistic glimpse of what life as a single teen parent must be like.

Three of the girls are still currently in a relationship with their baby’s father. Two of them are engaged, and all three couples live together….sigh. It appears to me that these three couples are to be “playing house.” That is, they have an ideal of what a couple with a child should look like, and are trying to exemplify this. However, given their inherent immaturity…they are unable to make this a reality.

The focus of my attention is Farrah. She was a popular cheerleader, whose boyfriend abandoned when she became pregnant. She is at constant odds with her parents, and has not let motherhood slow her down too much. Dating, hanging out with friends, and socializing at night spots are part of her daily routine. Clearly, she was not ready to embark on the journey of motherhood. Developmentally, however, she is doing what would be expected of a teenager. But, of course her responsibilities are different.

I feel almost bad watching this show….. like a spectator to someone else’s drama and misfortune. But I think that people can learn from this. The reality is that teenagers often have sex. Not a newsflash! But why then do we parents avoid talking about the obvious? Uncomfortable as it may be…the consequence is even greater.

Here are some important stats:
• 33% of ninth graders (high school freshman) have already had sexual
intercourse.
• 65% of twelve graders (high school seniors) are sexually active.
• Oral sex is more common than that. Anal sex also occurs among teens.
• 25% of girls ages 14-19 have at least one sexually transmitted infection
such as human papilloma virus, herpes, chlamydia, and trichomoniasis.

(Reference: Garofalo R, Forcier M. Adolescent Sexuality. In UpToDate, Basow, DS (Ed) Uptodate.com, Waltham, MA, 2009)

Good grief! I am personally not ready to jump into the nitty-gritty of the Birds-n-the-Bees with my Minnie-me’s. Thankfully for me that they are still so young that the primary focus of our conversations center around good touch/ bad touch, and “stranger danger.” However, I do know that sooner than later…we will have to broach the discussion of how babies are made. I want to make sure that I introduce the topic before anyone else does.

So….back to Farrah. The clip below shows her struggle with her new life. Immaturity, profanity towards her parents, and a lack of appreciation for the importance of her role as parent to a beautiful baby girl are an obvious in this clip. Maybe watching this might serve as encouragement to all of us to have the talk... before the statistics kick in ;).

Happy Parenting,

Billion Dollar Bank Account...Low Class Behavior

2009-12-29T13:40:00.000-08:00

All the billions of dollars that Ivana Trump has in the bank did not prevent her from going straight ghetto on a Delta flight the other day! Apparently she had to be escorted from the plane after reportedly screaming “Little f*ckers!” and “Shut the f*ck up!” at kids who were running up and down the aisles. Ivana didn’t spare the F-Bomb from the crew either, because she repeatedly screamed “F*ck You!” at them as they removed her from the plane. Tisk…tisk…tisk…..such poor behavior for someone who should know better. She does, after all, have three children of her own.

But just between you and me…don’t YOU sometimes want to go off on unruly kids at a department store? Maybe even at a restaurant, or at a playground. I’m the kind that sits back first to see if their parent will intervene. However, I don’t hesitate to say something if they don’t. For example, recently I was Christmas shopping at a mall. As I walked around a store, I could repeatedly hear the bell chime that alerts store staff that someone had entered the store. I looked over and saw a young boy (about 6-years-old) standing in the doorway and kicking his legs in front of the sensor to activate the bell sound. He must have made that thing go off two hundred times! The store owner muttered under her breath as she rang up my purchases “I wish that kid would stop because it’s driving me crazy!” So…as I passed this little door bell bandit on my way out I smiled warmly and said “You are too cute! But you know…that is not a toy and it is really noisy. You probably shouldn’t play with it cutie pie.” He grinned at me and immediately stopped what he was doing. Embarrassed, my younger brother whispered to me that I was not supposed to talk to other people’s children. Maybe it’s because of what I do for a living, but I have no problem with it. I would not necessarily reprimand a child if there parent was present. But I see nothing wrong with correcting children (within reason of course). I think it’s more about how one goes about doing it that is most important. So I don’t blame Ivana for being irritated by the kids who may have been behaving badly on her flight. She was probably already on edge since the tabloids reported that she is separating from husband number 17. However, cursing at kids is just wrong, and ultimately not helpful.

So next time you are at your favorite all-you-can-eat restaurant and a doe-eyed youngster proceeds to stick their finger into the salad dressing, don't go Ivana on him. Just tell him not to do it...and skip the salad:)

Happy Parenting,

Legal Victimization

2009-12-12T15:05:00.000-08:00

I'm scratching my head trying to figure out why anyone would think that something like this would be okay. If this was your daughter (or son), would you support her/his sexual relationship with her/his TEACHER????? Below is a Blog that I wrote for Time's Up Blog. Some of the comments in response to the post truly sadden me. Whether or not a student is a "hottie" does not make it okay. AND whether or not the law says that a 16-year-old is old enough to decide whether or not a teacher can have sex with them DOES NOT MAKE IT RIGHT! ... Please read and share with me what I might be missing.

Happy Parenting,

This post was written for the Time's Up Blog (http://www.timesupblog.blogspot.com/) which is a collection of bloggers who are champions for victims of crime. The purpose of the blog is to bring awareness to the injustices to victims and to search out solutions with an SOS to those in the capacity to make changes happen.

Today in the metro Atlanta area, former Marietta High School teacher, Christopher King, was acquitted of sexual assault. The charges stem from the discovery that he had been having inappropriate interactions with a female student. Since he openly admitted that those interactions were “sexual” you would think that this would be an easy conviction, right? However, the problem is that his 17-year-old victim took the stand in defense of her former teacher who she described as her “boyfriend.” His lawyer told jurors that the two “were in love,” and although "This may be a bad idea…it's not illegal." This attorney’s argument was bolstered in June when the Georgia Supreme Court ruled that, when a student is a willing participant and is 16 or older, the student's consent can be a defense for teachers facing a sexual assault charge. The presiding judge by-passed the jury and rendered his verdict this afternoon, saying "It's gross, it's awful, but it ain't illegal…This was a consensual relationship." So with that…Christopher King was cleared of any wrongdoing.

Really? Is a 17-year-old able to consent to a sexual “relationship” with a nearly forty-year-old man? In the dictionary, an adolescent is defined as: A young person who has undergone puberty but who has not reached full maturity. Therefore, how can it be that there is such a law that blatantly ignores the fact that, by definition, an adolescent is not equipped with the emotional maturity to understand the ramifications and consequences of adult behaviors? Adolescents and children are inherently trusting of authority figures, and are naïve and easily mislead. This is one of the reasons why pedophiles are able to commit their crimes. In this case, King’s former student told a courtroom full of people that he began calling her about non-school related issues. Later, the two went shopping, out to dinner, and the movies. She said she believed that they were doing the “things dating couple do.” "It evolved the way I assume any sexual encounter does," she said. Clearly, Christopher King took advantage of his position of power as well as the childlike immaturity of his 17-year-old victim. Yes I said it…VICTIM! In essence, she was groomed to believe that they had a relationship. Romanticizing this as love and anything positive is sickening. Point blank.

In this case, the victim’s father became alarmed by King’s phone calls to his daughter. However, she told him that he was overreacting. As an educator, I can assure you that EVERY school employee is aware of the appropriate code of conduct regarding students. Sometimes parents might feel uncomfortable with the attention that a teacher is giving to their son or daughter, but may not know how to handle the situation. Here are some clear cut No-No’s.

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES are teachers to…
· Contact students for personal issues (ie. “Just to say Hi.”).
· Text students.
· Discuss personal information with students (ie. Issues related to marital problems, family issues etc.)
· Make plans with a student to have dinner or go to a movie.
· Videotape or record a student without expressed consent from the parent.
· Make any comments of a sexual or suggestive nature.
· Have sex with a student.
· Serve alcohol to a student.

So, what should you do if you notice any of these things? First, talk to your son or daughter to try and find out what has happened. Next, IMMEDIATLEY report your concerns to the building administrator and to the proper authorities for a thorough investigation. Have copies of text messages, emails, and pictures to share as evidence if you have them. Also remember that your son or daughter may try to conceal the “relationship” by denying that anything inappropriate is occurring. They may be defensive, and even angry with you for asking questions.

Regardless of the state Laws, any sound minded adult knows that it is immoral, unethical, deplorable…and YES criminal to take advantage of a child. I hope that we will all take a closer look at the laws that directly affect our children and adolescents because some offenders are taking advantage of a legal loophole, and are able to walk away totally free…Legally.

Shaniya Davis...Our Lost Angel

2009-12-03T19:09:00.000-08:00

Below is an article that I recently wrote for Essence Magazine online. It has been a few weeks since the nation was paralyzed by the news of Shaniya's horrific story. However, it is critically...I mean critically important to me that we don't forget her. Why? Because, now that we know and understand that this horror exists...we, as a nation, can do what needs to be done to end these crimes against children. NO child should endure what this baby girl did!

How Many Shaniya's Are There?
Posted in Essence.com November 24, 2009

A rose colored casket adorned with hundreds of flowers sat at the front of the church. A casket so small that it served as a vivid reminder that inside laid the body of a small defenseless child. Her name was Shaniya Davis. More than two thousand people packed the church, and hundreds peered through the windows to catch a glimpse of the homegoing ceremony. Shaniya's father, Bradley Lockhart who was not scheduled to speak, got up and encouraged the community to not get angry about the situation because he believed that God had a reason for taking Shaniya so prematurely. He then turned to his daughter's rose-colored casket and said lovingly "I know you're going to be waiting for me [in heaven]. I'll see you when I get there."

Mr. Lockhart's strength in the midst of such a horrific tragedy is commendable because most of us would have succumbed to anger and rage had something like this happened to our child. In fact, most of us didn't know Shaniya, but the emotion that her tragic story evoked was paralyzing. She was able to give a face to something so sadistic and perverted that most choose not to acknowledge...that everyday, hundreds and thousands of children are sold into the sex trade. It's a phenomenon known as sex trafficking.

There is no consistent face of a trafficking victim. They are both male and female. They are of all ages, races, and socio-economic backgrounds. However, although anyone can fall prey to trafficking, victims tend to come from vulnerable populations such as runaways, at-risk youth, drug addicts, the poor, and oppressed and marginalized groups. Traffickers often target individuals in these populations because they are reportedly easiest to recruit and control. These criminals are driven by two primary factors: high profits and low risk. The FBI was recently able to recover 52 children that had been sold into prostitution. Consequently, over 500 traffickers were successfully convicted. However, this is only the tip of the iceberg because reports suggest that well over 100,000 children and young women are sex trafficked every day. What makes Shaniya's story all the more disturbing is that it is her very own mother that stands accused of selling her precious baby girl into sexual slavery. Despicable, nauseating, infuriating...but a reality of the world in which we live.

What I'd like for people to understand is that no one is safe when it comes to this issue. Just as you get up routinely each day to go to work, pedophiles wake up to plan and strategize just how they can lure and molest children. They are extremely adept at doing just that. That is why the statistics show that a child is abducted every 40 seconds in our nation. Moreover, nearly 50 percent are African American. There is a false sense of security that many of us tend to have because we feel that our circle of elite friends and family, and large brick homes buffer us from the inherent cruelty of the world. However, the statistics do not lie.

Sadly, there are millions of Shaniya's across the world. They have no voice. They have no power. They have no face, and until recently, the wider public refused to even acknowledge that their stories were legitimate. Shaniya's story helped to change this. So, I agree with her father. God had a plan, and was ready to bring an angel home because her job had been accomplished. May you rest in peace baby girl.

Gaétane F. Borders, MA., A.B.D.
Certified School Psychologist
President, Peas In Their Pods
www.peasintheirpods.com

Read more: http://www.essence.com/news/commentary_2/how_many_more_shaniyas_are_there.php#ixzz0YgaJZdQB

Cute Little Movie Trailer....Babies Are Sooooo CUTE:)

2009-12-02T09:46:00.000-08:00

This movie trailer is just so cute and intriguing to me! The movie titled "Babies"
follows the very different lives of four infants living in Mongolia, Namibia, San Francisco and Tokyo. The opening clip cracks me up:) Siblings can be so mean to each other (lol).

Enjoy,

A Princess For My Princess

2009-11-30T14:25:00.000-08:00

It is almost a year ago to the day that I searched for a doll that resembled my caramel-cocoa princess. My daughter, who was two at the time, had major fits each day as I combed her hair. See…she has a head full of thick and long hair, and a mommy who did not know what to do with it. She was miserable…I was miserable. It was honestly stressful! Searching for a solution, I recalled a toy that I had when I was younger. Do you remember the Barbie “head” that you used to play with? You could comb her hair and paint lipstick on her… Yeah that one! I figured if I could get one for my daughter, she would be distracted as she combed its hair while I struggled through hers. Issue solved! Not so much…

Enter problem…..I wanted a Barbie head that resembled my lil’ pumpkin. Up and down the aisles I went to all the different department stores and toy retailers. No brown dolls. I even exclaimed to a well-intentioned teenage attendant “This is Atlanta! How could you not sell African American dolls?” Fast forward to last year. My daughter asked for a Princess Tea themed birthday party. I went all out with the décor and costumes for her and her adorable friends. Everything seemed to be in order. That is, until I tried to find a princess themed cake. The local grocery store had pages upon pages of different cake designs with all the Disney princesses. Yet, none of them looked like my Princess.

This year it looks like there may be an abundance of dolls and merchandise for me to choose from because the Disney movie titled “The Princess and the Frog” will hit theaters nationwide on December 11th. I can’t wait to see it, and if appropriate…I can’t wait to take my baby girl. However, apparently not everyone shares in my excitement.

Almost as soon as executives announced that they would be bringing the story to the big screen, parts of the public began to complain. There was criticism that the main character was slated to be a maid called “Maddy.” The name, many felt, was too close to ethnic slur “Mammy.” Disney quickly made adjustments, and now the princess is called Tiana, and is a chef. Yet, dissent again emerged when it was revealed that Tiana’s prince was not seemingly African American.

Hmmm….I’m not sure what to make of this criticism because I feel that overall this movie may be a positive thing for all children…especially those of color. Sure, if allowed to script it myself I might have made some adjustments. However, I am just happy that my daughter will have the opportunity to see someone who looks like herself being described as a beautiful princess for once.

So here’s my question…. Does Disney deserve all this controversy? Or, are people just nitpicking. You decide! Watch the video and cast your vote in the LEFT margin:)!

Dead Wrong or Right On Point...You Decide

2009-11-28T09:27:00.000-08:00

Did you see the American Music Awards last week? I missed all of it except for the last 5 minutes of the show. Based on the news reports over the week, this was the most controversial segment. Remember Adam Lambert from American Idol last year. Well, he closed out the AMAs with a performance of his new single For Your Entertainment. In my opinion…the performance was overly contrived. He looked like he was trying too hard to be a “star.” All that gyrating, screeching, and make-up was simply not my cup of tea so I did not watch intently. But I guess I should have paid attention like everyone else because apparently he kissed a male band member and simulated oral sex as well. The backlash was almost instantaneous, as ABC cancelled his Good Morning America performance, and thousands complained about the racy performance. I searched Youtube and other internet sites to see a clip of the show. However, the video has seemingly vanished from the face of the earth. All that remains are the still shots...many of which are blurred out. Adam cried foul to the censorship and “double standard” (as he said) exemplified by the press. After all, Madonna kissed Britney and Christina a few years ago. He also says that it is not his responsibility to parent our children. So here’s my question….Do celebrities have any responsibility when it comes to what kids are exposed to? Was Adam Dead Wrong for his theatrical display? Or is he Right On Point for his freedom to express his art in anyway he chooses? Can’t wait to hear from you! :)

Onto the next story of the week. It is about Lincoln University’s graduation policies. Lincoln University, the first historically black institution, has decided that a handful of students won't be getting their diplomas this spring. That’s right. Two dozen African American students will not be receiving their diplomas because….they are fat. In 2006, the university implemented a mandatory semester-long program entitled "Fitness for Life," designed to educate the portion of their student population with a body mass index of 30 (considered to be obese). However, a group of twenty-four students opted not to enroll in the class, and now they will not march across the stage with their peers. Statistics show that the black community has suffers nutrition-related illnesses more frequently when compared to the white community. Hypertension accounts for 20 percent of African American deaths (twice that of the white community). 12.5 percent of African Americans over 18 years old will be diagnosed with diabetes (compared to only 1.8 percent of non-Hispanic whites). Given these statistics, and knowing that African American children may not get adequate education about proper nutrition….Is Lincoln University’s graduation policy Dead Wrong, or Right On Point?

Lastly, I could not resist making a reference to the Octomom herself, Nadya Suleman. In an interview with NBC’s Matt Lauer, Nadya responded to the question of whether she planning on having more children. The single mother of 14 replied that although she is not currently trying to conceive, she might consider it if she were to get married in the future. I honestly believe that children are precious gifts from above. However, you have to know when to say enough is ENOUGH. Nadya….you are wrong….Dead wrong for this!

But…I do have an idea that might help. I came across an ad for something called a Uterus Pillow. This larger than life, fuzzy, fleece pillow in the shape of Nadya’s most beloved organ can be found on the craft website etsy.com. Maybe cuddling up to this might help calm Nadya’s quest to self-populate the world.

Happy Parenting,

Am I The Only One Left Without A Sex Tape?

2009-11-14T14:26:00.000-08:00

I have to ask this question because it seems that more and more, tapes surface with celebrities in …eh hem…compromising positions. Years ago it was Pamela and Tommy Lee. Next came Paris Hilton, followed by Ray J and the Kardashian girl. Dustin Diamond (Screech) pimped himself out for several months after filming himself in a tryst. There was even a tape of Tonya Harding circulating the internet, and “Hoops” from The Flava of Love show made her homemade porn debut this year as well. What the heck is up with all the camcorder porn?!? I mean even some of the Disney starlets have suggestive photos out there!!!!

Well just when I thought that the worst was behind us….they announced that Sara Palin’s would-be son-in-law, Levi Johnston, will be baring his Alaskan jewels in Playgirl. (By the way…do women really read Playgirl? But, I digress…) Yet...you know something, Levi never made himself out to be anything other than what he is… a simple-minded, “redneck who likes to snowboard and ride dirt bikes.” (his words) Besides, I’ve learned to expect the unpredictable when it comes to the Palin bunch.

The week’s shocker for me was the introduction of the Carrie Prejean sex tape! You remember her…the former Miss California and Miss America contestant. She was placed on the radar after a judge at the Miss America pageant asked her to share thoughts about legalizing gay marriage. Her response created a media frenzy because she said that she believes that a marriage should be “between a man and a woman.” You could hear gasps and hisses coming from the auditorium. In the days following the pageant, Carrie emerged as a conservative Christian with firm views on morality. Now, I can’t be mad at Carrie for offering her opinion even though it does not mirror mine. And I am not hating on her for the topless photos or the video that she reportedly taped for a boyfriend when only 17-years-old. But, I do have a BIG problem with her apparent hypocrisy! It’s normal to make errors or have a lapse in judgment especially when you’re young. After all, we are all human. But when you present a façade of perfection, you almost always fall from grace.

So I guess the moral of the story is unless you are a squeeky clean Mother Teresa clone... keep the camcorder on Stand-by mode at all times. But if you feel tempted to press record, know that someday your co-worker might be able to order a copy of your Oscar winning performance for about $19.99 plus shipping and handling.

Just Saying...:),

Our Battle With Swine Flu

2009-11-07T13:10:00.000-08:00

The reality of how bad this flu season was did not hit me until a little over a month ago when I visited a school that I service. There were teams of kids packed in the Nurse’s office…most with fevers above 102. The nurse wore a face mask through which she said to me “Make sure you put your clothes in the washing machine as soon as you get home!” Despite this, I was pretty secure that the ominous virus spoken of in the news would not personally affect me. And if it did it would not be a big deal. After all, it’s just the flu….right?

Well, the school year was well underway, and my kids managed to make it through with just a few sniffles and coughs (nothing out of the norm). That is, until this past weekend. It was Halloween, and like all other children, my son and daughter were looking forward to going door-to-door in their cute outfits…him as a Ninja and she as a little witch. It rained off and on all day in the metro Atlanta area, and it was rather cold. Nonetheless, there was nothing I could say to convince the kids that it wasn’t necessary to go out in the miserable weather. So, off they went with my husband as I stayed home to give out handfuls of miniature chocolate bars to the neighborhood kids.

The next morning, my son began complaining of a slight sore throat. I figured it was because he had been out in the cold the night before. So I gave him some Motrin and called it a day. However, in the middle of the night, he stumbled into our master bedroom gasping. “I…c-c-c-can’t b-b-breathe…!” he struggled to say as he held his hands around his neck. I could hear him trying to force air through his airtight esophagus. In an instant, we hopped up and gave him a nebulizer treatment. Yet, after wards he could only breathe slightly better. Two minutes later, he and I were Emergency Room bound. After waiting four hours to be seen, the doctor spent only 30 seconds with us. His only advice was that he was not to participate in P.E. class for a week. Well… mommy had better advice…let’s stay home to monitor things for a couple days. I worked from home both Monday and Tuesday while he recuperated. Although he had a cough, I felt he was good enough to return to school on Wednesday.

Here’s the timeline of how things progressed on that day:

6:00 a.m.—He got dressed for school.

7:15 a.m.—I drop him off at school.

11:30 a.m.— The School Nurse calls and says he has a sore throat and she wants my permission to give him a cough drop.

12:30 p.m.—I go to school to sign my son out early to go see his pediatrician (My mommy intuition was going wild!)

1:00 p.m.—We arrive at doctor’s office and sign in.

4:00 p.m.—Still waiting in the waiting room after three hours, my son begins to appear sluggish and faint. He rests his head on my lap and closes his eyes.

4:30 p.m.—His name is finally called and we go to a patient examination room to explain to the nurse his symptoms.

4:45 p.m.—My son lies down on the examination table as we wait for the doctor to appear. He
complains that he is extremely cold, and begins to shiver vigorously. He then falls deeply asleep. Still shivering, his mouth is open and his breath is shallow…he begins to drool all over the paper sheet.

5:00 p.m.—His doctor walks in. Although normally polished and poised, she drops the clipboard to her side and exclaimed “Oh my God…What’s wrong?” We both wake him up so that she could examine him (ie. Take his temp, listen to his heart and lungs). She informs me that his fever is at 104.1. A few tests later…she says that my little knuckle-head had the flu…Swine flu.

5:30 p.m.—Prescription in hand, I head over to a Mom and Pop pharmacy. They’re the only one’s with a supply of Tamiflu (the only medication given to treat his flu). The pharmacy does not accept insurance for this medication, and the cost is $200!

They could have charged $2,000 and I would have bought it because this is just how miserable my baby looked. After a few days of a horrible cough and sore throat, and extreme lethargy, I could begin to see a glimmer of my son’s personality emerge. That’s when I was sure that he was going to be alright. So right now I can say with confidence….Borders family 1…..Swine Flu zilch!

Happy Parenting,